Walls

I thought about not writing this. After the aftermath of what I wrote last time I've been quite curious whether writing would come easily to me or not. Whether I would sit and ponder for hours whether it was worth it to write something new here, not knowing what effect it might have on those who read it. Not knowing whether what I write here would be the end of relationships as they have existed to this point. Not knowing whether the next sentence I write could be something that creates a rift between people.

Then the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I can't stop. Every action has unforeseen consequences. I'm sure that each time I write my writings will carry those possibilities. But I was told by God to write the things that He shows me. So I'll write.

Tonight I attended the Carnival Night of Worship at Acts Christian Fellowship. The evening was good, but I want to focus on what happened towards the end of the service. Jaycee Jennings, a communicator from Youth for the Nations was the speaker. He did your standard altar call type stuff, but then he went on to talk to the kids about the stirring of the Spirit. Those who know me know that while I love ACF, I've always been somewhat leary of all the Spirit filled talk, as if it came about out of something more special than being a Christian, as if the Spirit is not with all Christians. That's always bothered me. Anyways, tonight as Jaycee was talking about kids being filled he ask anyone who was seeking this stirring of the Spirit to come forward. Now, I didn't. Not because I haven't been seeking God more fully or because I don't believe this necessary. I just couldn't. Even as several people, including Omari and Austin, both looked at me intently like, "dude, why are you not up here, this is what you're searching for?" I couldn't move. It was like I was bolted to the floor. So I did the only thing I could do. I leaned forward, put my elbows on the chair in front of me and put my hands in a handcuff position over my head. And I cried. And prayed. And cried. And prayed. I pretty much alternated this cycle for what seemed like an eternity. I shouted out violently in my head to God that I didn't know what to do anymore. It seems like no matter how often I do or attempt to do what He's called me to do, it still seems like nothing turns out how it should. Even now, at this point in my life where I have realized and acknowledge that I need to lean on Him and not other people, things still don't seem right.

I continued praying for a while, begging God to show me something. To fill me with something that would make this life make some kind of sense. Because as much as I love God and as much as He has used me to help and influence others, when it comes to my own life I still feel like such a wreck.

That's when it happened.

Throughout the night I had seen an ACF member whose name is Ryar(sorry if I spelled this wrong). Every few minutes I would see Ryar walk up to another person in the room and speak over them. This happened periodically throughout the night. Now I've grown accustomed to this in my time doing things with ACF. In fact, it seems to be the norm rather than the exception. Anyway, after what felt like an eternity of this cycle of prayer and crying, I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Ryar, who began to speak over me something to this affect.

"God wants you to know that you need to tear down your walls. You've built up all these walls to keep people at a distance so that you won't be hurt, but those walls keep out the things that our meant to help you as well. You've built a wall that separates you from the Spirit and from those that have been sent to help. God wants you to know that you have felt like you've been in a constant season of defeat but that you are entering into a season of victory."

As Kids in the Way once said, the winter's passing. Like I said I've never been much for the highly spiritual nature of ACF. Not because I don't believe in the Spirit or its work, but because I've seen a lot of bogus stuff done in the name of the Spirit. Once you get burned, you're always more cautious around a flame. But this was different. You see, tonight was only the second time I've spoken to Ryar. Ever. He doesn't really know me at all nor do I know him. He doesn't know my struggles. Most people don't really. Yet when he spoke over me he used some of the same things that I had been praying and crying over. Verbatim. Every. Single. Word.

It seems that God has tired of me not catching the subtle things and has become more and more forward with how He speaks to me. But tonight the message was plain. Tear down your walls. Stop hiding from me and from others. When you build up walls around yourself, you're not protecting yourself from harm, you're isolating yourself from help. This was exactly what I needed to hear. And as far as that, "Lord, fill me with something more" thing that I mentioned earlier. Yea, He went after that again too. You see about a year ago, in the parking lot of a snocone stand I had an encounter with God. As Omari prayed over me and laid hands on me Omari felt immense heat radiating from me. I knew then it had to be God. There was nothing else it could have been. The last year hasn't exactly reflected that experience. But tonight God reminded me of it. As I sat with my hands affixed over my head, it felt like fire was oozing down through my fingers and into my palms. After a while it was like I was holding a fireball in my hands. And just as quickly as it appeared, the feeling left me.

You see, God is showing us what we can be. He's powerful enough that He can come through our walls if He so chooses. But the thing is that God doesn't want to have to come through your walls. God wants you to want Him enough that you will tear apart the very foundations of the earth itself to get to Him. But see the beauty of it all is that you don't have to tear apart the earth to reach God. God is with you, just on the other side of your walls. And if you will reach out and grab the walls that you have built around you and bring them down to rubble, you will find that all along you have been surrounded by everything that you have been looking for. They've been waiting for you. Just outside your walls.

Pastor Mama Coco

Life in You

So I haven't talked about this with a lot of people, but it's been on my mind so I figure why not, after everything else I've posted this might as well go up to. You see, a good portion of my life has sucked. Of course you'll hear those that will say, "they're kids starving in Africa, look at all the stuff you have" and yea, I feel sorry for those less fortunate than me but this is my blog and a good portion of my life has sucked regardless of how many children have distended bellies.

Now I know why my life has sucked. Girls. I know, cliche right? Well, cliches became a cliche for a reason, it's because for a large percentage of time they hold true. Now some may say I've been too sensitive. Some may say that if I just developed a tougher shell then maybe these events wouldn't have made my life suck so bad. Screw that. Girls have caused me more heartache than I can ever completely recall. Now I admit, some of this does indeed fall squarely into my court. However, that doesn't change the fact the girls have ruined large portions of my life. Chasing them, loving them, hating them, whatever the case may be, girls have been significantly involved.

I won't go into details about every single instance, but some things still stand out to me as they are quite significant in the fact of my life sucking. I hold no ill will against these girls, it is just that they are quite distinct instances which I will not forget quickly.

You see, one girl that I went to college with rejected me. Full friend speech and all. There is only 1 small problem that I should mention concerning why this sucked so bad. I wasn't asking her out! If that doesn't qualify as life sucking I don't know what does. I made a compliment about her hair, which she had drastically changed from the style of which she had had for the 4 years that I had known her. And this was interpreted as hitting on her and attempting to date her!

As if that wasn't enough, during my time at seminary I have again been the recipient of the full on just want to be friends speech. This time, from a girl that I was neither interested in or attempting to ask out. I'm batting a thousand on getting rejected by girls I'm not asking out. If that doesn't suck, I don't know what does.

The last instance may be the worst. Most likely because it was not only someone that I kind of liked, but one that I consider a close friend. And when her life was not going so great, it seemed that she felt the same way about me. We talked every single day. Unfortunately, it was always about how crummy things were going and I was the designated shoulder to cry on. And I embraced that because I thought that maybe it things would eventually go my way if I did. I'll go ahead and admit the fault on this one. I put myself in a position to continually have my heart broken into smaller and smaller pieces. And now that her life is going good, I generally don't hear from her too often. Which breaks the pieces just a little bit more.

Like I said, I hold no ill will against these girls. To the contrary, I love all three of them and care for them very much. One of them is now married. One of them is fixing to leave the state for several months. And the final one says that she has found a guy that she loves very much. I'm proud of each of them, and continue to thoroughly enjoy the fact that we are friends.

You see I've finally after all this time reached a point where I can live freely. Where I can live in the knowledge that I don't need someone else. I'm finally in a place where what God thinks of me is what truly matters. Where He is what I need/desire/want/run to. Sure I slip up. I still hurt. I still feel like there's got to be someone out there that likes large men with a nerdy side and a tendency for philosophical and pastoral rants, such as this one. But I'm ok with waiting now. I think it sucks. But I'll wait. Because all I want is God. I figure if I can't be content with a loving relationship with the creator of the universe, some lucky girl doesn't really stand much of a chance. So I wait. Because I have tasted and I have seen that the Lord is good. And not only is He good, but He makes my heart pound right out of my chest. God makes me short of breath and He makes me rise to my feet for no reason. God is all I want and He has consumed me. And He is changing me into a person that only desires Him. So that when the appropriate time comes, I can be with the one that I have desired over Him for so long.

If you can't love a God who would do something like that, what can you love?

Pastor Mama Coco

Theology according to fireworks

Last night I got to enjoy the 4th on the Brazos fireworks spectacle with some of my wonderful friends from Truett. I've always loved fireworks. There's just something about boys and things that blow up. The funny thing was how things affect people differently. We, as grown ups, have been seeing fireworks for a long time. Most of us have grown accustomed to them and yet while we enjoy them, for us they no longer have the same impact that they once did.

However, for the little boys and girls that were seated directly behind on the little grassy hill we were sitting, these fireworks were the most fascinating and intriguing thing they had ever seen. Every flash and pop elicited a loud, piercing scream from on of the little boys. Every. Single. One. Such a piercing scream that one of our friends who shall remain nameless *cough* stephanie *cough* Sorry, got something caught in my throat there for a second. Anyways, one of our friends jokingly told the kids to shut up. I thought this was kinda rude and I told her as such. She said she didn't mean it, which I knew, yet as I told her the kids, who were very young, may not have known that she wasn't serious and she was trying to quelch the joy of what seemed to be the greatest night of their lives.

So this got me to thinking. How oh so much this is like our lives as believers. You see at one point we were the little four year old boy who screamed at the top of his lungs every time we saw one of the wonders of the Christian life, every time that God revealed something to us. We didn't care who was around or whether we were inconveniencing anybody else, we screamed at the top of our lungs to show how amazing we thought our God was. But the problem was we got older. We continued to see God work but our thoughts became "yea, we've seen that before God, when are you going to wow us with something really spectacular?" You see, we let God become routine and when you get into a routine, the monotony sets in. So no longer are we the small children who are elated at every flash and pop of wonder, we are the grad students who want the kids to hush because it's just fireworks.

So what then are we to say? Has God become less amazing because we have seen him work before? May it never be! Our God is just as amazing and wonderful as he was when we were the spiritual 4 year olds. It is time that we throw off this feeling of been there done that and embrace the fact that our God is just as exciting as the first day we saw Him work within us. So let us not shrug off the workings of the Lord as if they are no longer good enough for us. Let us embrace the fact that to us, God is still the greatest fireworks display we've ever seen, and one that will perpetually take us back to the time when our eyes were opened to these brilliant colors for the very first time.

Pastor Mama Coco

A New Name

Today I received a new nickname. Nicknames are an interesting thing. Everyone has been given a name by their parents or guardians. Yet for a large majority of people, what they are called by changes depending on who is talking to them and in what social circle they happen to be in at the time. Take me for instance. To the people that I went to high school with, I am Schibby, Schibster, Big Schib, Big Schibby, or pretty much any other variant of my last name. To my friends from my church back home I am simply Cory (what a concept, using someone's actual name to refer to them). To my newest group of friends I have become Coco or Pastor or Pastor Coco. Then today I was given the nickname Mama. Which has quickly transformed into Pastor Mama Coco. Now for those of you that are blind or do not know me, I am in fact a male, so the nickname Mama might seem rather strange. If you knew my roommates, you would probably understand a little better.

Now of course the normal reaction would be to get terribly upset at the fact that I am being called Mama by some of the my closest friends. But you see I'm not the same person I once was. This new chapter in life that has begun is a completely new me. And God revealed to me today that being called Mama is really an honor, nay a privilege. You see, my friends care about me enough to come up with new nicknames for me. If they didn't really care, they just wouldn't speak to me at all. So why not embrace a new nickname, however weird it might be. This has also led me to be reminded of what is most likely my new favorite song. It's by a band named Philmont (look them up on itunes, they are great) and the name of the song is Another Name. It talks about how we should begin to live without the blame of our old lives and take on a new name under the freedom of Christ.

You see, I figure since I'm starting a new chapter in life, a new nickname may not be so bad. Sure, I don't want to be called Mama, but if being called Mama is something that I have to endure to spend time with the people that mean the most to me in the world at this point, I think I can handle it. But by what name are we called? The name that we as believers have taken on for centuries was used as a derogatory term to describe us; look at all those little Christs, those Christians. And frankly, believers probably didn't like being called that at first, until they realized "hey, maybe it's not so bad to be called a little Christ; we are striving to be like him after all."

I see it the same way with this new nickname. You see, I don't really know where the name actually comes from, but I would like to think that my friends see me as someone who is going to watch out for them. The one who takes them into their arms when they are hurting, the one who will dry their tears if need be. Their guide and their protector, just like a mom. So if that is the origin of the nickname I have recently been given, then I whole-heartedly embrace it. Because that is the role I want to fulfill in their lives. To be a guide, and a protector, and one that they can trust.

What are you called? By what name do you answer? Have you received a new name? The changing of the name is an important theme in biblical stories and we can have a spiritual new name today. Let us listen, let us learn, let us embrace our new names.

Pastor Mama Coco

A New Chapter in Life

In order to avoid the on again off again rain showers that the hurricane in the gulf has sent our direction I headed to Richland Mall today after lunch to get my daily walking in. On my first trip down the mall I was stopped by a woman working this pagoda for Dead Sea products. Now normally I would just tell these people that I wasn't interested and keep walking but for whatever reason this day I decided to stop and humor her. After listening to her sales pitch and endeavoring greatly to not buy her product, I moved on. Every time that I would make the lap in the mall she and her fellow worker would try and get me to buy their stuff. I may buy some one day, just don't really have the extra money to spend on something I don't really need right now. So on about the 4th trip around I stopped to ask the girl (her name is Nicole) a little bit about her because I figured, hey why not, I don't usually meet people outside of Truett, might as well work on this shy thing while I'm working on this healthy thing. While I was talking to her I noticed that she had a tattoo behind her ear of a Star of David with Hebrew writing underneath so I asked her what it meant. She said that it stood for "a new chapter in life." For those interested, it turns out that her mom is Jewish and that she's a Catholic from El Paso.

This post isn't really about her though. Not really about my walking the mall either. Her tattoo however, led me to think about where I am at in life. Seems like there are many of us that are starting a new chapter in life. The fellas (Randall, myself, JT, and Omari) have all decided that we are not happy with where we are at physically and as far as health goes and have all started taking steps to improve that. My friends back home are trying to start a new chapter in their ministries after the split that the church has gone through. My aunt is having to start a new chapter in her life because my uncle decided to cheat on her and he is moving out. Other friends are feeling God's call more clearly than they did before and while what they feel called to may not be a popular thing in some cases, they feel strongly that they have heard His call clearly and are moving towards that call. For some of us, this new chapter may mean letting things go that we love. For others it may mean taking up causes that are not popular. For still others it may mean taking on things we would not normally take on. Regardless of what it is, we are starting the next chapters of our lives. In this story book we call life, we are always moving towards the next chapter, until we reach the back cover of the book.

What will our story look like though? Is it a science fiction masterpiece? A romantic comedy? A tragedy the likes of which has not been seen since Shakespeare? Unfortunately for us, we don't know how much longer we have to write in this story book. We can only hope that when we reach the end, we will have a complete story. Every story will look different, but hopefully every story will have a central element that is the same. The chapter about the life changing moment. The chapter where certain death looks imminent for the main character, and where all hope looks like it has been lost. This is the chapter where salvation arrives in the form of a hero. Someone who has been a part of the story but has seemed like they were just there to ruffle feathers and keep the reader on their toes. Until one day, he stepped in front of the moving vehicle to protect the main character. Until he sacrificed his life to save the lives of others. This is the chapter we hope becomes a part of every story. You see this chapter is quite clearly about Jesus and his grace. The grace that abounds within our lives. The grace that we hope others will find in their lives. You see it's a part of the story that just makes the story come together. It makes the story come alive.

You see, when that chapter is in the book somewhere, every story has a happy ending.

Pastor Coco

God's sense of humor

So Monday night (June 28, 2010) I spent an extended period of time with my buddy Omari. I consider my friendship with O to be completely a God thing. O was the first person I met when I came to Truett and I definitely consider him the closest of all my Truett/Waco friends. We talked for a while about girls and God and life in general and I got to share with O about some of the things that have happened over the last few weeks since I've talked with him. We talked about how I was finally moving on from a relationship that ended 2 years ago, and about where both of us were at in life right now. Then we talked about how God has spoken to us in life and I told O that the only time that I've truly heard God speak so clearly is when I was breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. This led to a good conversation about the stirring of the Spirit and about hearing God more than we think. So this morning (June 29) I started out the day post-shower by jumping into the Word. Now for someone that is a preacher this may seem like not a big deal, but unfortunately this is not as common an occurrence as it should be. Anyways, I jumped right into Romans because that book is always on my heart for whatever reason. What I read in the first few chapters reaffirmed what I had felt God saying to me throughout this whole moving on process and so that was a great relief.

At that point I decided to hit the road and get in a drive for some worship time with God. I hit fourth street headed towards Cameron Park and I ended up stopping at the zoo, deciding to kill some exercise time and a longing for time with God and a time at the zoo all in one stop. So I hit the CP zoo and started walking around. Before I had even moved on from the first exhibit, the thunderclouds were starting to roll in and it was starting to sprinkle. Immediately, I prayed to God and was like, God I know we need the rain but can I at least see the rest of the zoo first. So I just kept walking and it kept raining but not much at all. I got to enjoy pretty much all of the zoo, seeing almost every animal and getting to enjoy the beauty of God's creation. I even got to see an Orangutan named Makuah scare a group of children. So then I finally arrived back at the front of the zoo and got around to the last habitat, Lemur island. I kid you not, as soon as I snapped a picture of the lemurs with my phone, a steady rain began to fall and as I walked to the front gate all I could do was laugh and tell God how much I loved him and ask him what else he had for me because I thought His joke was pretty funny. As I asked Him what else He had for me, the rain continued to increase in abundance.

You see there are many that will tell you that God is cruel and fickle. I don't see that God. I see a God is humors me. One who isn't afraid to tease me with a good joke, and one that isn't afraid to pour out His love on me, whether it be spritually, or literally in a rain storm like He did today. God I'm ready for more. Rain down on us all.

Pastor Coco

That Time Again

It seems for all my attempts to be good at this blog thing it always seems to escape me. No matter how many times I tell myself that I will be writing more frequently, those posts where I pledge that come months apart and all I have to show for it. So I feel I should write again. Still not sure why. The urge to write doesn't seem to stay for very long, but I love to do it. It feels right when I do. Just can't seem to sustain that feeling. Maybe I'm not meant to. Maybe this isn't my calling but merely my place to vent. The place that I come to every so often to keep myself from imploding. So it's that time yet again. To release the pressure before my world blows up in my face. So I sit at the computer again. Struggling to find the words that seem right. I find myself a week removed from a week of solitude with God at Falls Creek and find myself longing to return. See that's the problem with camp. You spend time with God and everything feels wonderful and then it's over. Everything that you felt right about throughout the week ends and you go back home. Instead of doing the same things that you did at camp back home, you go back to life. You sink back into the old routines. Instead of working with all you are and working toward the things that you were called to at camp, you spend all your time wishing that you were back there, instead of bringing those feelings to where you are. This is the problem that I face now. I want to be back there, with the people that I have grown to consider family. With the kids that I have literally watched grow up. Instead I am back in Waco, with the people that I have also come to call family. Should they bother to read it, many of the people who do indeed read this will be the people I am referring to. The problem is they weren't there and they don't know the experiences that I had during that week at Falls Creek. Some of them were halfway around the world at the time, others were with their family. None of them however, were in Davis, Oklahoma. Except the ones that were with me. The ones that I already miss. The ones that God has called me away from, though my heart remains there with them. So I write again, once again rambling incessantly about things that aren't meant to change. So I write to write, because I have nothing else to do. There is no appealing the call of God. There is no going back and giving the whole listening thing another shot. There is only forward motion, with the occasional (or frequent) backslide. There is only the life that we are called to. In my case, the one that called me from where my heart remained. I pray that I can return there again someday. For now, I can only write and wait.

Pastor Coco

My confession

The last time I wrote here I said it had been a while. Then I stopped again. Then I wrote that I was finally writing again. Then I stopped. This is my first post in 6 months. Just seems to work out this way. God fills me with a fire and a desire again, but it quickly gets doused or reduced down to nothing but an ember. I feel like a city without a heart, just a broken shell of what I could be. I thought this semester would find me in a different place. I thought that being given the position as one of the speakers for the Truett Perspectives Conference was a sign that things were headed nowhere but up and out. Then the car of my dreams smashed into my driver side. For years I have pined to own a Ford Mustang, with my parents always telling me that it wasn't practical for me to have one, despite them both owning one in the past. So I yearned and begged and hoped that one day I would own one. So I find it quite ironic that when I had a somewhat major car wreck, it was a Ford Mustang that smashed into me. Physically I am fine. I have returned to only the normal soreness that I face because of my weight and lack of being in shape. Mentally and spiritually however I am beyond drained. This weekend our band Daybreak returned to our birthplace to lead worship at a DNow, but I could not even enjoy the landmark event because of the events of the last few weeks.
You see, for all the times that I have been told that I matter and that my friends care for me, the devil takes times like what I'm going through now to punch at those wounds and make me believe that I really am alone. That I have no one. And it usually works. Because a lot of the time I do feel like I have no one. And he knows that too. So this weekend when I should have been soaking in the goodness that God has blessed us with, I was sulking in a corner and treating my bandmates, my brothers and sister, like hot garbage. And until yesterday afternoon, I didn't even feel bad about it. That's the funny thing about God, sometimes He'll let you stew in something for a little bit before He shows you the way out. On the way back from church yesterday afternoon, God showed me that my friends do care for me. And that He is there for me. But He also showed me what I'm about to share with you now, which is tightening my stomach up just thinking about posting this on the internet, but I feel that God is calling me to do so. You see for the longest time my sense of loneliness has led me to find something to make me feel not alone. Now I've never struggled with drinking too much or doing drugs, or even cutting or any of the normal releases or addictions. But for far too long now I have struggled silently with an addiction to pornography. There. I said it. I have no idea what God's plan is from here, but I know that I am being told to share this with you now. So I need whoever reads this to do something for me. I need you to pray. I need you to intercede for me like I am your closest friend. Because God has called me to do something great for His kingdom. But right now, I don't feel the strength to do it. I need your prayers. I need strength. I need hope. God, I need Your help.

Pastor Coco
Cory Lynn Schibler

The rambling writer

So I'm writing again. I'm not sure why. God hasn't really given me anything to say and I quite frankly don't feel led to say something profound and I don't know that I could be profound right now if I even tried. I don't know why I'm writing. I wish I could bring you a message of hope. Of peace. Of boldness. I wish I could enlighten you with words that have been given to me by the one that we worship. The one that we claim to live our lives for. The one we call King. Yet tonight I don't have one of those messages. I don't have sage words of wisdom for a fallen generation. I don't have a deep philosophical purpose for writing tonight. Honestly, I don't know why I am still typing. Maybe it's out of a sense of duty, maybe a sense of searching. Maybe I just didn't know what else to do with how I'm feeling right now. I have no idea why I'm writing. I have no idea why I feel the way that I feel. I don't always have the answers to bring to the people through this medium. Maybe that's why I'm writing this. Because for once, the fact that I don't know the answers, is ok with me.

The Other Son

There are times in our lives when we examine our surroundings and make certain determinations about ourselves. As a pastor these times have become more and more frequent, as each time I delve into the scriptures to prepare another sermon I must make certain evaluations about them, their relation to my life, and how the members of my congregation will relate to them as well. This past week one of these times arose while I was reading in the book of Luke. Jesus offers up a parable to the people concerning a man and his two sons. After a time the younger son asks for his share of the inheritance in order that he might go off on his own. The father then divides the inheritance among his sons and the younger son travels to a distant land where he begins to fulfill his young heart's desires with all the pleasure that his new found wealth can bring. Before long, the land in which he is enjoying himself becomes ravaged by a great famine and the young man is left without food or shelter. The only means with which he can sustain himself is to feed a citizen's pigs. The young man has reached such a bottomed out point that he longs to eat the food that he brings to the pigs each day. At this point the young man comes to the realization that he could live a much better life if he became one of his father's slaves rather than continue to feed the pigs in a foreign land. The young man heads back home with the intention of begging his father for forgiveness and asking to be made one of his slaves. However when the son returns home and his father sees him walking down the path towards their home, the father runs to his son and wraps him in his arms. The father then calls for his servants bring the finest clothes and sandals and place them on his son, and to prepare the fattest calf for a feast for his son. What madness is this? The son never expected to be treated so. He came back with the intention of being made a slave and instead he is being treated as returning royalty. Upon hearing the commotion the older son ask the servants what is going on and is infuriated when he finds out that the father is throwing a feast for the younger son. The older son skulks off in disappointment like any good older brother would and the father comes searching for him. The son relates to the father his frustrations that the son who squandered his share of the inheritance is being celebrated while he the faithful son is not. The father tells his son that all that he has is his because he has been with him all along, but that the younger son has to be celebrated because he was lost and is now found, he was dead and he is now alive again. I talked before about how we have to make certain determinations about ourselves. This time the determination wasn't about me per se, but rather about a large majority of believers in general. You see every time the story of the prodigal son has been preached that I have heard, every preacher, pastor, teacher, and deacon has addressed the issue of a child running off and acting crazy, destroying their life day by day, minute by minute, until they have reached rock bottom and dug down another six feet, and about how God still welcomes them back with open arms because he is their Father and they are His children. And that is a wonderful message, and I am extremely glad that people feel led to preach that message because it is a message with an attachment of grace that needs to reach the people's ears and hearts. But as I went through this time of reflection prior to preaching this story this past Sunday, I made a realization. That realization is that there is a message in this parable that isn't preached. You see there are two children in this parable of forgiveness. You see the realization that I came to is that there are many people in this world who are the younger son who is welcomed home by the Father. Yet there are a whole lot of people in this world who are the older son. You see there are so many of us who are not content with all that we have. And the point of this story is that the thing we are not content with is everything. You see all that we have that we are not content with is the entire kingdom of heaven. An inheritance from the almighty creator of heaven and earth. We are already heirs to the throne of the savior, and yet we continue to skulk about as if we have been mistreated. Wake up, world! So often I see believers who wallow in self pity because they see God working in the lives of others and they have the audacity to complain about it. Wake up, you are already an heir to the kingdom! Let God work how He will work. You have already gained the inheritance, allow others to do the same. I've been talking for several weeks now about revival in this land, and in order for that revival to take place, the heirs to the kingdom must be willing to celebrate the return of the prodigals to the throne. Because you see that's the whole point. Revival. Restoration of life. Those that were dead, alive again.

Civility is not a sign of weakness

In the current climate of today's world I believe that it is in the greatest interest of the people that we work together in order to improve the well being of all. As a child of God I believe that we as followers of Jesus should be the ones who lead that charge in the world. For far too long now followers of Jesus have been linked exclusively to political conservatism and the Republican party. The beautiful thing about being a follower of Christ is that we are all diverse. It is time that we regain our independence from political alignments. If you feel that democratic ideals are closer to your outlook on life, by all means vote so. Regardless of the way politics have been played in the past 20 years, the Republican party is not the Christian party. Christians do not have a party because Christianity is not a political lobbying group, it is a way of life. Unfortunately during my lifetime we have seen what can happen when people feel that they know what the "Christian way" is. We have seen people set bombs in front of abortion clinics killing innocents mothers, we've African Americans drug behind moving vehicles until their bodies are unrecognizable, and young gay men beaten and hung from a barb wire fence and left to bleed to death, with a large majority of these being done under the auspice of being the morally right thing to do, because being gay or getting an abortion is against God's will. Apparently they missed the part about loving their neighbor and the whole thou shalt not murder thing. Probably wasn't listed in the chemistry set directions on how to make a pipe bomb. My point is this... We as Christians need to be the champions of change, not be tied to the anchor of overbloated Republican politics. Instead of throwing out ridiculous accusations of the religious affiliations of our president, we should be working with him in order to help build a more perfect union. We should learn that to be civil does not make us weak. In actuality that civility will be what will save us. There is a time to fight and a time to make peace. We are embroiled in a spiritual war but we are losing it everyday that we fling stones in the glass house of our own making. Christians have become the biggest hippocrites in the world, lambasting all those around us for the splinter in their eye while we look at them through the forest in ours. It's time that we stop fighting the unnecessary battle in order that we do not lose the war that is vital to our life. Put down the bombs, put away the ropes, chains, guns, brass knuckles, and the instruments of hippocritical hate and realize that only when we become a civil people again will we be able to enact the change we cry out for. You see, John F Kennedy said that civility is not a sign of weakness, and in a relatively short time after that someone killed him. For all I know, there may be some who react just as violently to what I have said here. But the fact of the matter is that it is time for Christians to face the fact that we can no longer enact the change we supposedly seek simply be proclaiming that we are Chrisitians. We need action, we need purpose, we need civility. Not as a sign of ceding power to those that we are in disagreement with, but as a sign that we are truly what God has called us to be... A people who will embrace those less fortunate, who will clothe the naked, feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, and will be a light in dark corners. For we have been called by name by the name who is above every name, to follow Him, whatever the price. And at this time, the price is being willing to stand along side those around us, regardless of political or social status, and realize that our country needs a change. And we are the instrument.

Back from the Dead

It seems like so long since I've written here. Probably because it has been several months. I can hardly believe that my last entry was written in March. My how things have changed since then. But the changes since March are nothing compared to the change over the last 5 days. The people around me had best be praying and preparing themselves right now, because there is a mighty thing coming their way. God spoke truth into my life tonight and there is so much more coming. For the first time I feel the true Spirit of God within my chest, like a real fire burning and I'm ready to feed it. The time has come for us to embrace what we were called for and it starts right now. This evening I experienced a full on God attack and met with him in such a mighty, mighty way. I hope that you are all ready to experience God because He's about to move in this place. The fire I feel in my chest can't be contained and there is nowhere for it to go but out. For so long I've felt spiritually dead and the adversary has told me that I'm not worthy to carry the torch of the Lord but the devil is a lie! Those things that come from him cannot bear truth for he is chief among the deceivers! For the first time in a long time, maybe ever, I am content with who I am because I know that I am a child in Christ! The enemy shall fall because I will proceed forward in His righteousness, in His Spirit, and His truth. I will do justly, I will love kindness, and I will walk humbly with my Lord for He is my shield. I proclaim with loudest voice His promise that His word will not return void!! Truett, Waco, Texas, maybe even this whole country, you had best pray, because I have set my eyes upon the mark that I press on towards and that is to make His name made known. On this night I proclaim that I am back from the dead and the first order of business is reviving the spiritually defunct in the city of Waco. Revival is coming!!!

Father You're the One

This may seem kinda weird coming from me but um, this is basically a rap song that I just wrote. Enjoy.

VERSE 1
2:06 am
Thoughts running through my head again
Thinking bout all the times I keep failing Him.
But then I'm reminded that I'm not the first
And my thoughts move toward His people wandring in the dirt
It's seems it's in our blood to complain and gripe
To spout our own name and believe our own hype
You see God made us from the dirt not to be worthless
But the real reason that we're here is to serve His purpose
so as I lay here and think about the wrong I've done
It soon occurs to me

CHORUS
Father You're the only one
Who can take this life
Conform it to Your will
And make this right
Father You're the only one
And on this night
I give it all to You
So you can make this right
Cuz you're the only one

VERSE 2
2:18 am
Thoughts still spinning all around my head
This time it's all about the ones who gave their lives
The ones that paid the final price just follow Christ
You see sometimes in this life we're pulling at loose strings
Like when our names spelt wrong on our shirts and things
but while we're here complaining about our convenience
There's people round the world dying for proclaiming Jesus
So as I lay here and think about the work that's still to be done
The thought reoccurs to me

CHORUS
That Father You're the only one
Who can take this life
Conform it to Your will
And make this right
Father You're the only one
And on this night
I give it all to You
So you can make this right
Cuz you're the only one

SPOKEN WORD OUTRO
In this life, sometimes we only get one chance. To do something worthwhile for our God. To go out in service to Him. To give our lives for the throne. But only Jesus can make this life worth more. You're the only one Father God. We give it all to You. World without end. Amen.

Can Anybody Hear Me?

I hesitated to write
what I really wanted to say
but the words that come from my mouth
go right past your ears anyway

You say you can't help it
the fact that you feel that way
he's gonna be different this time around
I don't really care what they say

I admire your optimism
in spite of all events that transpire
but you have to learn that leopard's don't change their spots
no matter what your heart may desire

I hope you know you're not the first
nor will you be the last to bare your soul to me
I wish that one day you all could understand
what you're infatuation has made you blind to see

I thought about not speaking out
about just letting this one slide
but I wasn't sure that I could live with the guilt
live with the thought that I never really tried

So I cried out in protest to you
to try and make you understand
but still you chose to spend your time
with the one that you wanted to give your hand

I grow so tired of screaming
of having my voice lost in the noise
to see so many struggle aimlessly
all for the affection of certain boys

There's something more for you out there
something that I hope that one day you shall see
for you are not here just for selfish pleasure
you were created to be royalty...

But still you all stress and strive
all for the attention of one of us
most of whom only want one thing
"I'm gonna get this girl in my bed or bust!"

I really wish I could tell you
that things aren't really like that you see
but the more I look around my life
that idea is spread around like some disease

So let me scream out again
to those who are made like me
show a little respect for once in your life
God gave women to be more than just property

You see we're called to love them
as Christ loved the church
the last time I checked we weren't doing that very well
because I don't remember Christ treating his people like dirt

So cherish those who you are lucky enough to have
and if you don't think it's meant to be don't lead them along
it's hard enough for some to find love in this world
without you serenading with your cheesy love songs

So as I send this out to the world
I pray with all of my might
that my words would not fall on deaf ears
and that someone would hear me tonight

Am I ok?

Am I ok?
It's such a loaded question.
Can I be ok when the world around me attacks?
When the ones that should build me up teat me down?
Am I ok?
But what does ok really mean anyway?
I'm here aren't I? Isn't that enough?
Do I have to be more than just here?
Can I not just relish in the fact that I'm here for one more day?
I say to you today no!
I can't be complacent one more day.
I can't be complacent another second.
If a day is truly like a 1000 in Your kingdom, then I've wasted generations in my complacency.
Am I ok?
I can't be ok anymore.
Ok is gone for me, from this day on. You have made me more than ok.
You have made me more than what I see in myself.
You have made me to be Yours.
Am I ok?
No longer can I be that way
Oh Lord, I pray.

Together as one

as I sit in nokia theatre I can't help but be amazed by what I see. Black and white, sick and healthy, young and old, the downtrodden and the blessed. All coming together in the name of the one that we have the audacity to call father. The same God who tore open the heavens to declare his pleasure in the one who came from Him, we come to as if He is simply another person in our life. But when I think about, that is the way that God created us to act towards Him. We are nothing, and yet God has called us His own. He has called us his children. He has called us His friend. And as I worship with my family in Christ around me, I can't help but feel weighed down by the fact that we proclaim to be one body when the situation fits our needs, such as here in dallas on this night. Yet we go to our church and we go to our school and we set up our boundaries. It's time the walls come down. It's time that we embrace G3. It's time to become 1.

Emptiness

As I walk through another day
pondering all the uncertainty that still clouds my way
I cry out for help from God
to again make straight this crooked way
to give me enough light for yet another day

"Why aren't you listening to me?
Why can't I hear you speak?
Are we really just going at this alone?
If you're still there why don't you speak?
Why can't you just let me know that you still hear me?"

I know I'm here for something more
to do more than just check my emotions at the door
For the present time I will wait for your plan to be revealed
I'll continue to walk your path through the open door
and pray that at the proper time you will lead me into something more

"My child why do you continue to worry?
You know so well that I've never left you.
All your life I have been right by your side.
For all your life I shall never leave you?
So why in this moment do you continue to worry?"

"Things are different this time, can't you see?
I've gone all my life and even now there is only me.
I know that you created us to be relational beings,
so why in the world is it still just me?
is there something wrong with me that I just can't see?"

"My child, My child, of course there is nothing wrong.
for I created all the world that you can see
and the most delicate balance between death and life
surely through my revelation you must now see
that from Me there can come nothing that is made wrong?"

"I tell you now my child, your time will come.
I am preparing you both even now to be one
to be the man and woman that I have raised up to carry my Word
when I am finished with you both, you shall be one.
Until then please by patient, your time has not yet come."

"My God, my God, forsake me not for my doubt!
I'm just truly scared to continue to live without.
I know that there is one out there that you have for me.
And I know that you have not created me to be left out.
Please God up above remove from me this doubt."

So until that moment comes I'll wait
on pins and needles until that coming day
when the one that is out there for me is brought into sight
when finally reach that slowly coming day
the emptiness I feel will finally go away: I can't hardly wait.

The Power of One

Last night we had our third community worship service which was held at the apartment of Omari Head and Erik Robinson. Each time that we have gathered we have increased in number, a visual confirmation of what each of us has felt God calling us to enact in Waco and in Truett Seminary.

In the past week we have bear witness to some incredibly amazing things in the lives of our fellow seminary students. Two of our students were involved in a car wreck and escaped almost completely unscathed, and another student's mother who has been severely sick and hospitalized was healed completely and walked out of the hospital doors under her own power. I myself have seen the power of Christ recently in being called to be the pastor of a small church in Coryell county.

These things that we have seen are a testimony to the power of Christ in our lives and the power of prayer that we have been granted. We as a group friends, nay as a family have made the choice to not be content with "making mud pies in the slums" but rather that we will press on towards something more, so that we might bring a revival amongst our school and our town.

We will no longer sit idly by and wait for the things to come.

Through Christ, we are stronger. We are passionate. We are convicted.

We are the Eklektos, and through Christ, we are ONE.

Time for a Change

I can't hardly believe that it has been over 2 months since I put fingers to keys and brought my thoughts to the world wide web. In a way, that 2 months has been the most eventful of my short life. Since last writing I have been hired as the pastor of Pearl Baptist Church, as well fallen in love with the scriptures that we call the Bible. These scriptures have always been a part of my life, but at this point in my life they have begun to speak to me in ways that I never thought would be possible with any written medium.

I had a conversation with a buddy of mine at Truett this morning where he told me that he appreciated my stories that I had written and that I was a good writer, so I guess you might say that he has convicted me that I need to write on my blog more often.

I brought to the attention of my covenant group this morning that I needed for something to change. As I told them this morning, I don't really know what it is, but something in my life right now just isn't right. I'm where I know that God has called me to be in school, I have more friends than I've ever had at one point in time, and I have been called to pastor a church where I am quickly falling in love with the people that I minister to, and yet something feels like it is missing. All I can do for now is pray that God would reveal this thing to me. Something needs to change. Maybe it is me, or maybe it's those around me, but I need something different.

I wish I could explain what that something was so that maybe I could try and find it, but until it is revealed to me by God, I will just have to continue on the path that has been revealed. So if you've been thinking of me recently, for whatever reason, don't just dismiss it. Pray for me, and I'll do the same for you when you come upon my mind. It's time for a change, and prayer is a great place to start when something needs to change.

Grace and Peace

William Allen Nelson

What inspires you?

I just finished writing my second 6 page paper in three days and yet instead of taking a well deserved writing break, I decided that it was time for me to once again put fingers to keys and bring another enlightening blog to the world.

This second paper was all about the inspiration and authority of scripture. This led me to wonder, what exactly inspires everyone out there? Everyone draws an inspiration from somewhere. Even the most vile psychopath wants to be the next Ted Bundy or Charles Manson. So where does inspiration come from? What is it about certain people, actions, and events that raises up in us something that wasn't there before.

For me my inspiration comes mostly from my family. Call me biased, but I have told everyone that I meet that Billy Graham is the second greatest preacher I've ever heard, second only to my grandfather. He is my constant inspiration and even in his death he inspired me all the more. I will never in my life forget the sheer number of people that attended my grandfather's funeral. And I will never forget dozens of middle-aged adults putting quarters into my grandfather's casket, returning the favor for the quarter that he had always had for them when they were young. Just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes even as I write this, and yet nothing could inspire me more to be the kind of man my grandfather was.

However, the inspiration doesn't stop with my grandfather. During the past two years I have had the privilege of being friends and working alongside some of the most godly men that I have ever known. Kelly Wolverton, Stanton Blackburn, Erik Kale, and Brian Dubose inspire me daily to be the kind of men that they are. There ability to be servants for those in need, and to be the husbands, fathers, and friends that God has called them be inspires me more and more as I spend time with them. There ability to act in the best interest of God and the people of God rather than just themselves is a testimony to what a godly man is supposed to be.

So if you are reading this blog, don't just read it and move on. Take some time to leave a comment and tell me, what or who is it that inspires you???